The holiday season brings with it the potential for a lot of conversations with friends and family. These conversations can be good and rewarding or result in disagreements and chaos. We can all think of at least some story to illustrate either point. I would like to present a challenge and some advice for your next family gathering. Will you make a goal to turn a simple interaction with a family member into a discussion about God?
Everyone probably has a family member who has stopped going to church, started living a sinful lifestyle, holds a differing theological view, or is not in a saved relationship with God. As God’s people, we need to be ready to “make a defense” (1 Pet 3:15) and to “preach the word” (2 Tim. 4:2) at all times. . . including time with our family. Now, I know what some may be thinking, “I do not want to ruin our time by ‘preaching’ at them. It never goes well.” I want to offer some advice on how to keep things peaceful, nonconfrontational, and directed toward teaching about God.
A conversation can take a drastic turn for the worse when we begin to berate others (whether we think that’s what we are doing or not) without listening to them. My advice is to use the following three questions to steer a conversation into a deeper direction while remaining in control of the dialogue (Jesus used this same kind of tactic). If you are presented with the opportunity and you want to use it as a chance to talk about God, then try to use the following advice.
Question #1: What do you mean by that?
When you ask this question, you are inviting the other person to expound their thoughts so you can have the full story without shutting things down too quickly. For example, you hear someone say, “I believe the Bible says. . .” You could ask them, “Can you explain your view some more?” There is always more to be discovered if we are willing to listen.
Question #2: How did you come to this conclusion?
The goal at this point is to get to the heart of the matter. What kind of evidence led them to their decision? Sometimes when people start explaining how they reached a certain conclusion, you can find the holes in their logic. For example, let’s say someone says, “I do not see how going to church makes anyone a better Christian.” When you release question #2, they may say, “I know lots of people who go to church every time the doors are open, but they live horrible lives throughout the week.” The “evidence” for their claim has nothing to do with God’s plan, but rather with their experience. Do not be tempted to exploit their argument too quickly. Ask other questions to make them see the the problem in their own view.
Question #3: Have you ever considered. . .”
This question allows you to present a different view (i.e., to teach) while also framing it as a question they must answer. For example, “Have you ever considered that if Jesus is the head of the church, and the church is his body, that he cannot have more than one body or church?” When you offer counter-evidence, you are not preaching, you are simply asking questions.
It is my hope that we will be in prayer about our times with our family and that we will find a
way to give God the glory even when we do not think it is possible. God’s word is certainly
powerful.
Billy Camp
Billy grew up at the Decatur Highway congregation in Birmingham, Alabama. After graduating from high school, he moved to Montgomery to attend Faulkner University. In 2012, he graduated from Faulkner with an undergraduate degree in Biblical text. He then went on to complete his Master’s degree in New Testament Studies at Faulkner and his Ph.D. from Liberty University in Christian Apologetics. In addition to serving with our family ministry and preaching, Billy also teaches in the Bible department at Faulkner University.
Billy is married to the former Shelby Vega and they have three children: Kinley, Roman, and Lewis. He works with the Family Ministry at Dalraida and also preaches and teaches classes regularly.